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I finally cut my parents out of my life in July of last year. Though my father was the offender, my mother didn’t protect me, so I partially blame her for being so blind, despite all the obvious hints something was terribly wrong. She never even asked me if something was going on.

And she, herself, was abused by her own father.

Though I told the both of them I wanted NO CONTACT ever again, my mother eventually started sending me letters, packages, flowers and emails – to my work address of all places.

I’ve ignored them all. Everything she sends goes straight into the garbage now. At Christmas she sent a huge check to buy the kids some gifts. It’s uncashed, and I’m planning to shred it. At Valentine’s Day she sent each of us a card. Again, garbage. For my birthday, flowers. My husband refused them and sent them back to the florist.

At first I couldn’t bear to even touch her letters. I had my husband read them, but now I don’t even do that. Nothing she has to say matters to me. Now she emails my husband. He doesn’t reply.

I have a brother I love, and I talk to him and his family. He’s the only person in my family totally innocent of ever hurting me. My oldest brother did, in a different way. He’s dead now. I’m sorry for that, and don’t hold as much against him. At least he didn’t give me a veneral disease that could one day lead to me getting cervical cancer, like my father did. But probably only because he was impotent.

It wasn’t hard cutting off my parents. I’d despised the both of them forever. The sound of my mother’s voice on our answering machine used to send shivers up my spine, making me feel sick. Now we have caller i.d. She hasn’t tried calling yet, but if she does I can avoid her.

If she becomes more of a nuisance I’ll see if there are legal means to keep her from contacting us. Maybe a restraining order? A cease and desist? I don’t know.

But I do know there are things you must do to help preserve yourself. And cutting off my parents was a huge weight off my shoulders. I should have done it much, much sooner. But at least I’ve done it, and it’s over.

Love,

Hope

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